Finding your anchor


The Anchor process is a technique I’ve developed in my practice to help people make changes which are difficult. It is a way of finding your safe place, your place of stability in the stormy seas in our lives.  Perhaps you’ve had some trauma or abuse or neglect or other experiences in your life that you may have been too young to deal with or may not have had the skills to manage.  So, you did the best you could and you found it safe to put on weight as a protection, to be a people pleaser or like me, to be an overachiever. This behavior became an anchor that helped you get through life. Then you grow up – still being moored with the anchor you found in younger years.  Only now, your behaviors may be holding you back from the life you really want.  It’s time to set sail and find a new safe place, a safe harbor where you can feel secure but one that doesn’t keep you from being who you truly are, from expressing yourself.  If you’re a people pleaser, don’t you sometimes feel the anger just boil up in you when someone imposes or expects you to do something you really don’t want to do?  When that anger boils up what do you do?  Do you push it down with food or numb it with partying?  Well, that’s a sign that your old standby anchor is not working and it’s time to move on.  How do you do that?  You first must become aware of why you developed the way you are now.  How did it help you to be a people pleaser?  Now how is it hurting you?  Then you look for a new harbor to anchor in – one in which you can feel fulfilled and happier.  Perhaps your anchor right now is a dream you’ve never realized or a relationship with your son or daughter which sheds light on what’s not working.  You’ll know what the new anchor is because you’ll feel like you’ve “come home.”  Don’t think of it as a person who can save you.  It’s usually something in life that you long for and for which your desire is so strong it will motivate you to change.  For me it was becoming a doctor.  Before I finally got my MD, I ended up leaving an unhappy marriage and had to go through a lot.  It was worth it for me, because I’d wanted to be a doctor since I was nine years old.  Do you have the anchor you want in your life right now?